Want to get organised. Then get reading
You can't be serious is a new section on DVdoctor devoted to the lighter side of life. Bob Crabtree kicks things off with some reminiscences of his failed comedic past and introduces the first of a series of "humorous" flowcharts that will help you organise your life MUCH better.
Back in the 1980s, I was working on the weekly trade newspaper ERT with the "playwright" and failed motor-cyclist John Hill. Our lot was to write about sexy kit such as washing machines, hairdryers, food-mixers, VCRs and TV sets.
Modestly, I claimed to have the best product knowledge of any European journalist writing about white goods, brown goods and small appliances. Surprisingly, no one cared enough to argue.
Like teenagers of all ages, though, we wanted to be rock stars – the sex and drugs were just SO appealing! Trouble is there were insects in the unction - neither of us could sing or play an instrument well and, anyway, my wife wouldn't give me time off.
What we did have going for us was that we were funny men. More accurately, each of us thought himself a comic genius and the other peculiar. So, we decided to do some comedy writing together. This included a series of humorous greetings cards, mostly with a feminist slant, co-authored with PR diva Trish Beaumont.
These sold patchily (read - hardly at all) and made no one's fortune. Perhaps (he wrote, seeking solace), you remember, "Q. How many men does it take to paper a room? A. Depends how thin you slice them"? Or, maybe, "Q. What have a man and a camel got in common? A. One hump sometimes; two humps occasionally; three humps, NEVER!"
Even less successful was our idea for a best-selling book, Flowcharting – a Structure Guide to Life-Decisions. Although a few of the page were sold into a compilation book – and later ripped off by some swine for postcards – FSGLD still remains unpublished 16 long years after its conception.
Click to see larger image.This is best printed out
for easier reading
Now, though, thanks to the power of the internet, you poor deprived people need wait no longer. With John Hill's permission, DVdoctor and HEXUS.net proudly, nah, humbly, present for your edification and delight, the first in a series of flowcharts (actually, it's No.7, but who's counting?) that will better help you organise your life. Welcome, if you would, Farting does and don'ts (subtitled, An invaluable guide to passing wind at royal and diplomatic garden parties, receptions and investitures)!
