Microsoft recently joined the chorus of voices warning to protect yourself before Friday against an email-borne worm that could bring down your PC completely but is doing so in such prudish terms that few will understand what it's saying.
In its Jan 30, 2006 Security Advisory 904420, Microsoft calls the worm Mywife - making no reference to any of the other names it's known by - Blackworm, Blackmal, Nyxem and, most recently and commonly, Kama Sutra.
Making doubly sure that it won't cause anyone any offence - even if its prudery could result in a whole bunch of totally non-working PCs - the Security Advisory sums up the whole issue with Kama Sutra by saying,
Don't understand? Us neither.
What we do understand, though, is the plain-speaking descriptions that almost everyone else is using for the subject line and contents of emails infected with this particular nasty.
We've come to think of Symantec's Norton Antivirus as close to being a virus itself but must commend the company for giving - in long-standing advice that goes back nearly two years - the sort of explicit detail that might offend Bill and his missus but does actually makes clear what people should be watching out for.
First, it lists out some of the possible subject lines, the choicest of which are:
+ FW: (-Sucking-)
+ Re: Double suck (movie)
+ FW: Lesbian & gays Mpeg
+ Asses Mpeg's
+ FW:Re:Hot Erotic
+ FW: File - WebCam.mpeg
+ FW: **Hot Movie**
+ FW:RE: Least *21* Years
+ very hot XXX
+ RE: FW: Women Mpeg
+ Fw: My Funny Ass
Symantec then goes on to explain what's in the body of the email to, as Microsoft would have it, "entice users through social engineering efforts into opening an attached file in an e-mail message".
Among the messages that Symantec says might make you consider opening the attachment are:
+ I'm attatching a Video Clip of my wife if interested in checking it out!
+ Watch the Paris Hilton Sex Tape for Free!
+ Video's Girls Erotic WebCam's Tits Mpeg's Girls Ass SEX Pussy Video Clips
+ Check This ?ucking Babe ;D
+ ?ucking = Sucking=Fucking
+ Here is another Vclip of my daily group :|
+ All kinda Women Can be Found Here To Satisfy Women Lovers' Eyes
+ Dozens of Free Video Clips to download.Many Niches. Updated regularly and more added daily.Taken From Vivi's Lovely Briefcase.
+ hey guys my name is April Goostree i am a sexy 22 yr old bbw , 5'9, 48 dd , big ole booty, jus lovin life, until i get my pics posted in here you can either check out my profile or join my own yahoo group Texas-Sexy@groups.msn.com, either way works for me..i hope to become very active in this group, i like to get to know people, like to get on cam once in a while, jus to chill, when they aint none home..thats why its once in a while yaknow..anyways jus holla at me... n thanks for lettin me join!!! kisses kandee..Bye
+ very good movie >>> Video's Media Player. SEX SEX * Sluts Tits Video Mpeg's Mpeg Video Clips
+ -==This server does not support Transfer Big Movies==- wo Hotttt gurls sucking a hansum cock Softly
+ u Love asses? Here is a great ass open wide waitin for ur lil Cock
movie attached open by media Player 7.1
+ when i saw my ass i slept 3 hours why?? check my ass sorry my movie
LOOOOOOOOL joke (^!^)
The whole thing would be even more laughable if we were able to tell you that the Kama Sutra worm - or whatever you want to call it - were all Microsoft's fault, as has so often been the case in the past. But, when it comes to THAT important detail, Microsoft's Security Advisory doesn't leave room for any misunderstanding at all when it says,
And we won't even mention the missing "not" in the second para of the Security Advisory,
Of course, none of this will be of any real concern to you, will it, because you're not daft enough to be running without decent anti-virus and anti-trojan software? Or sad enough or stupid enough to open attachments in porn-related emails that get through or any in other email that looks even the slightest bit suspicious?
But if you are now thinking that a bit of anti-virus/anti-malware advice might come in handy before Friday, feel free to join us over in the HEXUS.community.
* (Note 1) - We wanted a shot of a prude but this was what picture editor came up with (we blame the teachers)!
* (Note 2) - Note 1 is a joke - a bit like Microsoft's....
* (Note 3) - There is no Note 3.